22 dec train home

today i met mr r to return his cds. after the meeting, i felt thoroughly drained and depressed. i guess negative energy really does affect you. he kept talking about suicide. gosh.

anyway before that i met mr e(my only real ex) to pass him stuff. there was none of that crappy negativity. it was an enjoyable coffee session. i guess the less i see of mr r the better.

got the urge to go to backstage again, but glad i didn't. chances of getting meaningful conversation very low. the scene is over-run by bimbos. gross. honestly i wonder why i even bother going to these places.

must start thinking about what to cook for christmas dinner. hmmm... probably clam chowder, creamy pasta with bacon and mushrooms, and something meaty... chicken cordon bleu? all goes with white wine. riesling it is. dessert? mince pies too sweet. skip it.

21 Dec 04 on train home

well, i'm on the train home now. feeling so much better. that movie was honestly gross beyond words! glad the session at TC helped. no sex, but that was fine. though i really should thoroughly wash myself again, god knows what was in the jacuzzi water. but i feel so calm now i wonder why. well, at least i'm glad i didn't compromise and do it with someone not my type. anyway.

now i really found a great function for my palm: writing my blog on the go! this will really come in handy.

i'm still itching to go on that trip... though honestly it is very unlikely that i would be able to get tickets to anywhere at all. looks like i must wait till next year. hmmm... china or japan? wonder if i'll even have money in the first place.

must start cracking my brain on money making ventures. oh, and definitely need to lose weight. hang on, since when did this become a new year's resolution list?

well, since we got started, let's get it going.

1. definitely must lose weight.
2. must get to know more people
3. must catch up with old friends, or else will be labelled a twat
4. be proactive about life
5. meditate and spend more time with God

oops, getting off, continue later...

2004 年的第一场雪

最近一直听刀郎的歌。不只听不厌，还越听越投入。真奇怪。

记得那天遇见你，也不觉得有什么特别好感。 毕竟也不是第一次看见你。你向我讨名片，我当然给了你，但也没有什么特别期望。 你过后也没联络我，我也把事情忘了一干二净。

没想到我居然会喜欢上你。

你过后联络了我，倒是有些惊讶... 但见面后我们很快就搭上了。 我前阵子提起过我们第一次约会就上床了，可你不记得。 你记性还真差。

我们其实没什么共同兴趣，年龄也不太近... 但不知不觉地，我还是再次遭到感情的毒手。 不明白。

我想... 这东西到最后真的还是得靠感觉。 和他在一起，有一种莫名奇妙的好感。安全，踏实，不花巧，不虚假。 或许这是年龄和经验的累积吧。 我也不排除这可能只是肉体上的吸引... 不过，这个推测不太可能。 和他的快乐，远远超越性快感。

记得那天躺在你身边，你已经睡了。 隐隐约约听见你的呼吸，感觉你的温暖... 那种感觉是无比的幸福。 我心想... 人生中最美丽的时刻，莫过如此。

怎么料到我在你心目中只是个朋友？

既然如此，我又能怎样？ 何况你就快离开此地。 我也只能默默的祝福你永远幸福快乐。

问世间情为何物，直教人生死相随。

这心中的雪， 恐怕还得继续下下去。