Plane home

i'm now on the plane home. there is about 2 hours to landing, so i thought it would be good to pen my thoughts before they fade away.

what a trip it's been. i'm feeling all sorts of things at once. i really don't know where or how to start. my last night in town has got to be the highlight of my trip.

well, first i was cruised by a cute bear in the train. ok, that was just a little episode, but fun nonetheless. glad nothing came out of it too. then i met ryohei for a lovely dinner at the izakaya. we then went to a karaoke bar, where the price was exhorbitant(but only because it's a holiday). i'm glad i paid for that one, or else i would feel very bad for burning ryohei's pocket. then we went to that familiar bar in shimbashi which was nice. the master yama was playful and bubbly as usual. there i did something crazy.... when ryohei mentioned to them i had a tattoo, they demanded to see it... and i obliged!

it was in this bar that i met takeshi. he was sitting next to me all the while... of course i noticed him. who wouldn't? he is dashing. i told ryohei i found him cute... much to my embarassment, he told them that later. takeshi then told them that it was reciprocal. thus we were made to sit closer together. he was very shy though.... but so was i. (besides the butt baring antic of course) we could hardly talk anyway... so most of the time we were stealing glances at each other, and breaking into embarrased smiles.

ryohei then told me i should grab the chance to ask him to my hotel. he told me he regretted not having spent more time with his new boyfriend when they first met in japan. at the instigation of ryohei and another guy at the bar, i plucked up the courage to point him to a line in the 'making out in japanese' book, which was 'will you stay with me tonight?' i was so nervous. and scared. i felt horrible. he went, really? and i said, honto. he then went into deep thought. finally, he said to them, he would send me to ikkebukuro station, but what happens later he will not tell. suspense again. through ryohei i told him no matter what decision he makes is fine with me.

ryohei, takeshi and i then left to take the train. of course most of the time he was chatting with ryohei... after all i spoke no japanese. then we got off together to transfer to different trains. i bid farewell to ryohei, and got on the train with takeshi. throughout the train journey, we didn't speak. (come to think of it, we couldn't have anyway.) we very seldom even glanced at each other. the tension was tremendous. i was thinking... no way. he's not coming. after what seemed like hours on the crowded train, we reached ikkebukuro. he finally turned to me, smiled, and nodded.

my heart nearly missed a beat. and it smiled in return.

what happened later in my hotel room will not be elaborated. no, we didn't have sex. but i had the company of the most beautiful soul i've ever met. i've never met a person as pure as he. that was the most wonderful thing that happened on my trip.

some things can only be felt with the heart.

Draft poem I wrote in Tokyo

Night falls,
the colours that shone
brilliantly in the sun
fade into a monochrome of pitch black.
Yet within the darkness,
endless as it seems,
a tiny spark ignites.
A flame is born, untamed,
as gold, orange and blue
interwined, carressing each other
in a dance of ecstasy.
It grew strong, defiant, and
waged war against its surroundings.
It hissed and burnt fiercely, engulfing the
Dead, dry twigs that lined its path.
A raging wildfire it was.
But try as it might, it could never conquer
The vast expense of night.
And so it struggled, futile, foolish;
Till, lying in the ashes
Of its own folly,
It faded to a final ember.
The last glimmer of hope
In the winter night
of my heart.

27 dec 2004 tokyo

my first entry for this trip! i had such a wonderful day yesterday, despite still being rather ill. the flight was very pleasant, except for the fact that the children were taking turns to cry. that was pretty frustrating because this was the first flight i managed to fall asleep in! the lady sitting beside me seemed rather grouchy, and strange. she took off her stockings and put them in the magazine slot in front of her! nonetheless, she turned out ok to talk to, but this was already the end of the flight.

the airport was fairly navigable, as english signs were everywhere. i followed aki's directions when taking the train, and it turned out really helpful... must thank him. anyway, on the train the guy sitting opposite me saw me getting rather nervous about the trip, so he offered help. he was able to check the train timings on his handphone. very cool indeed! he and his wife were such dears, really nice people. and incidentally they were back from a holiday in singapore. anyway i thanked them and took a photo of them, which i offered to email them. for some strange reason the bluetooth transfer didn't work.

so to cut the story short, i went to the hotel at itabashi, and it turned out to be a double room! very nice. plus it's so near to shinjuku. so i relaxed in the tub for a while, and then i checked my email, and voila, yp had sent me an email saying he had spoken to rh san. i called rh, and he offered to come to the hotel area to meet me. but it as he lived very far i told him to meet me at shinjuku instead. what a wonderful person he is. just as yp had said, he was the most genuine person i've ever met. (just before i forgot, yp did a lot of things to help me on this trip, including driving me to the airport at wee hours in the morning. really sweet guy) anyway for dinner we had tonkatsu, and we went off to 2 bars in shinjuku ni-chome, the latter being the nicer one. the boss was definitely interested in me. but i wished he wouldn't see me as 'young meat, just because i am 23. but the truth is i had only eyes for rh. even if he is not sexually interested in me (which is probably the case, since he said he prefers guys around his age) , he is a friend i would want to keep for life.

ok, getting sleepy. woke up at 5 for no reason! will snooze and have breakfast later.